i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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