3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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