tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
