She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
FUCK WHALES
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