Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
