I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
