i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
