you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
