They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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