Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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