Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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