Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
