Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
