the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
