I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
