Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think people are normalizing furries
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
