the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
40s are totally the cure
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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