Pappa wants mamma naked
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
