why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
