I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
