it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
