Welp...herpes.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
