Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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