I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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