I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
