Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
