I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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