The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
