i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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