Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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