the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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