...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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