We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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