Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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