Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
