she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
