why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
