I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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