I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
