My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
