4 words: hood of his car
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
