Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
