Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
no you cant smoke seaweed
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
