So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
