If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
