I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
