I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I hope mine doesn't look like that
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
