:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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