To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
