his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
