I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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