On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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