I wish I could teleport
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
