"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I could make wine with my vomit
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
