I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
