too bad you live with your parents still
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
