Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think people are normalizing furries
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