Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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