We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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